“London,” Marie remarked as they stepped out of the TARDIS
into a street that was already busy despite it being early in the morning.
The style of the red double-Decker buses and the films advertised on their
sides indicated that it was her own era, give or take a year. “Okay,
not exactly exotic, but I’m sure there’s something interesting
going on here seeing as you brought me along for the weekend.”
“I checked. The most exciting thing happening in your country in
the next two days is the launch of Irish Strictly. Even an ordinary traffic
jam in London would be more interesting. But as it is, Mornington Crescent
is going International.”
“Ah, well, that’s nice,” Marie responded in a tone that
subtly implied she had no idea what or where Mornington Crescent was.
“I knew you’d like the idea,” The Doctor replied. He
didn’t do subtle implications! He looked both ways, then ignored
the traffic altogether as he crossed the road, heading towards an old-fashioned
London Underground station built of red painted brick and white framed
half circle windows. Marie found a pelican crossing before joining him.
She noted that the station was called Mornington Crescent, which partly
answered one question.
“We didn’t pay to come down here,” she said as they
descended a long escalator in a rounded passageway with walls covered
in ceramic tiles and advertisements for West End shows. The Doctor had
simply pushed through the ticket barrier and she had followed him because
there was nothing else to do.
“The station isn’t open, yet. No trains for an hour.”
The platform was busy, nonetheless, and as they mingled with the crowd
Marie started to suspect that none of them were actually commuters of
the regular sort. The two men in pinstripe suits and bowler hats might
have passed for normal if the pinstripes weren’t yellow and orange.
The same went for the man and woman chatting to them. The woman was in
a waistcoat suit and the man in a polka dot dress. There was a group of
four who looked just too tall to be real, and a pair of short, chubby
identical twins who stood so close together they could have been conjoined.
It was as she tried not to stare at the twins that the platform came into
focus for her like one of those ‘magic’ pictures that suddenly
have a rabbit in them just as your eyes start to water. Once she had seen
it, she couldn’t unsee it. The twins really were conjoined, sharing
one pair of arms and three leg. The tall people had necks at least a foot
and a half long. There were two dwarfish characters, one piggybacked on
the other inside a regular sized suit of clothes. By the escalator there
was a woman with a face like a dog whose voice was reminiscent of a barking
poodle.
“Everyone here is alien,” Marie noted. “Except, possibly,
that boy and girl over there by the vending machine. Are they lost, do
you think?”
The Doctor looked at the boy aged about nineteen and the girl of fifteen
and smiled as if his eyes went back in time by themselves.
“Actually, both of those youngsters were created by alien beings
as a way of destroying humanity,” The Doctor remarked casually.
“Two separate plots, as it happens. Both of them were adopted by
an old friend of mine and live perfectly normal lives… well, as
normal as possible, anyway.”
“So you know them? Let’s say hello, then.”
“They don’t know me with this face. Besides, their mum was
always a bit ‘over protective’. They’ll think she sent
me to watch out for them.”
As ever, The Doctor’s explanations raised more questions than they
answered, but things were happening quickly now. A door marked ‘staff
only’ opened and a man dressed in gold fabric, in a gold wheelchair,
wearing more gold jewellery than a nineteen-seventies DJ, emerged accompanied
by two tall, slender blonde women wearing just enough gold lamé
to be decent.
“Who is that?” Marie whispered.
“Lord Arthur Sweetwell, fifty-first century inventor of the Vortex
Manipulator and a number of other interesting aids to human folly. He
retired to the past and sponsored the Mornington Crescent Quest. Every
year time travellers from all over the galaxy come to take part in a sort
of treasure hunt, seeking out clues and collecting souvenirs. There’s
a prize at the end.”
“For the first time,” Lord Arthur was saying. “I have
extended the quest to take in other European cities. I hope you will all
enjoy this dip into other cultures.”
“Other cultures?” Marie whispered. “We’re ALL
from other cultures.”
The Doctor smiled wryly and scanned the platform.
“Yes, that’s true. Not counting my young friends, with their
unusual parentage, I believe we can safely say his Lordship is the only
person present born within the sound of Bow Bells – and they were
digitalised in his time. Just… indulge an old man whose foresight
in all other respects is very long ranging.”
“Remember,” his Lordship continued. “There are no rules
except that you have to be back here at six o’clock in the morning
two days from now, and no being mean to each other or to innocent bystanders.
Those of you without personal time travel devices may rent a vortex manipulator,
maximum three passengers per trip. I’ll now call forward each team
to receive their first clue.”
The two young women were carrying gold baskets with gold envelopes in
them. They passed them to his Lordship one at a time. The first to be
called up were the cross-dressed couple, Zeiphu and Ciselli Jodaxeususi.
Next up were the Amphelice twins, then The Doctor’s young acquaintances,
Luke and Sky Smith.
“Luke and Sky?” Marie queried. “Thank goodness their
surname isn’t Walker.”
The Doctor said nothing. He watched as Lord Sweetwell examined the vortex
manipulator Luke appeared to own and wished them luck. He felt a twinge
of parental concern on behalf of his friend, Sarah-Jane, and hoped they
would be all right. The Mornington Crescent Quest was not for the inexperienced
time traveller.
“The Doctor plus one,” Lord Sweetwell called. The Doctor grasped
Marie by the arm and brought her forward. He introduced her as Marie Reynolds
of Dublin.
“Good morning, my dear,” his Lordship answered. “Sorry
about the ‘plus one’, but we never know who he might bring
with him. How many times have you played now, Doctor?”
“This is my twenty-second time,” The Doctor replied almost
reluctantly.
“And yet to win my grand prize.” Lord Sweetwell smiled inscrutably
and handed over an envelope to Marie.
“Twenty-two times?” Marie queried as they stepped out into
the London morning rush hour again, past genuine passengers on the Northern
Line going the other way. “Are you like those people in New York
who’ve been to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show a hundred times?
Do you have a badge for passing twenty-one goes?”
“I like the challenge.”
“And the prize?”
“I leave that for other people,” he insisted. “People
who need bottomless purses of money.”
“That’s the grand prize? Wow. Well, if you don’t want
it, I’ll take it off your hands.”
They returned to the TARDIS before The Doctor nodded to Marie to open
the envelope. Inside was a small, gilt-edged card with a short message
on it.
“Fetch a pot of honey from the Phantom’s rooftop.”
“Cryptic, indeed,” The Doctor remarked. “I’ll
have to think about that one for a bit.”
“I don’t,” Marie answered him. “At least…
I’m not sure about the pot of honey, but we need to go to the Paris
Opera.” The Doctor looked sceptical, to say nothing about being
put out by her quick resolution of the puzzle. “There’s a
little French flag in the corner of the card. Paris, France, home of the
Palais Garnier, also known as the Paris Opera House, scene of Gaston Leroux’s
novel and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s musical, Phantom of the Opera. I
have the DVD. It’s got ‘extras’.”
The Doctor grinned like a carnivore and set the co-ordinates.
Marie tried not to look too smug.
A few minutes later they stepped out onto the roof of the Palais Garnier.
The TARDIS was incongruously parked beside a verdigris stained cupola.
Marie picked her way between skylights and chimneys to the edge of the
parapet overlooking the front façade. She held onto a statue of
Pegasus and looked down onto the crowded Place de l’Opéra.
It was a fantastic site, but gave no clue about honeypots.
She was wondering if one of the numerous statues on the parapet was honeypot
shaped when a man called out to her in French, which the TARDIS translated
for her as a sort of cockney working class English worthy of Dick Van
Dyke. She turned to see an old man moving steadily towards her with dire
warnings about how far down the Place was.
“It’s quite all right, Monsieur,” The Doctor told him,
holding out his psychic paper. “We’re from the National Association
of Rooftop Apiaries. We’re here to check up on the bees.”
“I wasn’t expecting any official visits,” the old man
responded. “I’ve had a couple of journalists up here, one
of them from the New York Times, would you believe it. And a lady professor
from Cambridge in England who was mapping the flights of urban bees. But
nothing official.”
“It won’t take long,” The Doctor promised. “Marie,
come and meet Monsieur Jean Paucton who keeps the bee hives on top of
the Paris Opera House.”
“Pleased to meet you, sir,” Marie said shaking the old man’s
hand while The Doctor mimed the phrase ‘Google it’ to explain
how he knew these details. She let the charming man show her his wooden
hives and explain how he had first brought one box of them up here and
found that they thrived among the chimney stacks and roof decorations,
travelling, according to the Cambridge lady, as far as the Bois de Boulogne
collecting nectar and pollinating plants.
It was all fantastic to hear about, and she had made up her mind to tell
the students in her class about the Opera bees on Monday. But she wondered
how she could get a pot of honey. Would Monsieur Paucton sell them it?
Then she made a terrible mistake. She stepped on what she thought was
a solid piece of the roof and her feet went straight through. She didn’t
look, but she had a feeling there was a long drop beneath her. Imagination
filled in the rest as she remembered seeing pictures of the great auditorium
with a high, gilded roof and sparkling chandeliers. She thought how bad
it would be to fall all that way.
“Not so dramatic,” The Doctor whispered as he grabbed her
hands. She was sure he was several metres away when she fell, but she
wasn’t arguing. “Directly beneath the roof is rehearsal studios
for the ballet corps, but you still don’t want to fall in there.”
He hauled her up and set her shaking feet on a solid part. Monsieur Paucton
found a flask of coffee to revive her spirits while The Doctor examined
the broken section with his Sonic Screwdriver.
“You’d best tell maintenance to get up here and fix that,”
The Doctor said to the elderly bee keeper. “Give it a wide berth
yourself in the meantime. I don’t think the bees will mind. Floors
don’t generally bother them.”
Then he took Marie back to the TARDIS where he gave her a lozenge that
tasted of raspberry and which, he said, was good for shock. That done
he reset their location to down on Place de l’Opéra.
“It doesn’t do anything for shock, really, does it?”
Marie challenged him. “The operative word is ‘placebo’.
I’m ok, really. Don’t worry about it.”
“I have to worry,” The Doctor responded. He put the end of
his Sonic Screwdriver into a receptacle on the console and peered closely
at the data it produced. “It was not an accident. Part of the roof
was deliberately weakened using a de-atomising device.”
“You mean somebody wanted me or you to have an accident?”
“That, or the beekeepers at the Museé d’Orsay are really
jealous of Monsieur Paucton’s success.”
“I think your first theory is more likely,” Marie conceded.
“Really, do they take the Quest THAT seriously? Isn’t one
of the rules ‘don’t be mean to each other’?”
“Not everyone obeys rules. Let’s go and buy some honey.”
He strode out of the TARDIS and towards the opulent entrance to the Palais
Garnier. As well as the box office advertising a performance of Puccini’s
Tosca there was a little shop selling tasteful gifts and souvenirs.
Tasteful and tasty, as it turned out. Marie picked up a jar of Palais
Garnier honey and turned it around in her hands. The label had a line
drawing of the building with an out of proportion honey bee hovering above
it and an explanation of how honey and opera came to be connected.
But there was something else. Marie looked closer at the tiny lettering
around the edge of the label. Then she picked up another jar and examined
it. That one had no extra lettering. Nor did any of the others on the
shelf - only the first one she had picked up.
She took two jars to the checkout, one with and one without extra lettering
and paid for them before turning to see The Doctor coming from the box
office with tickets for Tosca.
“Puccini… great man. Used to play some good drinking games
with him.”
Marie decided not to comment.
“We have to finish the Quest, first,” The Doctor continued.
“But we have a TARDIS. We’ll be back in time.”
“Good. We have to go to Catalonia, next.”
“We do?” The Doctor looked at his companion curiously as they
stepped back into the Place. “Have you played this game before?
You’re far too good for a pudding head.”
“Don’t be rude to a human holding two jars of honey in near
proximity to several thousand bees,” Marie replied. “Unless
you want your head turning into a sticky pudding.”
The Doctor conceded defeat in that small battle of wits and headed for
the TARDIS. He had to wait a while to enter because a group of school
girls were taking selfies next to it.
“One of these days I need to fix that chameleon circuit,”
he muttered darkly. “Go on, push off and see some culture, pudding
brained chatterboxes.”
At last they were able to get into the TARDIS. The Doctor irritably watched
the tourists outside while Marie read out the clue on the honeypot and
asked an obvious question.
“’Take a weight off the force model of God's architect.’
And HOW could anyone be sure we got the pot with that label on? It was
the only one. I checked. But this was the first one I picked up.”
“I’ve never worked that out,” The Doctor
answered. “My best guess is ‘magic’, but I’m not
entirely happy with that. Oh go away, you numpties. You’re surrounded
by fine architecture and you want to take a picture of an old blue box!”
The last bit was to the people outside, obviously.
“In your own time, Doctor, the destination is Barcelona, capital
of Catalonia,” Marie said again.
“A political statement in itself,” The Doctor teased her.
“Many people would say Barcelona was in Spain.”
“I’m Irish. Do you want a debate about separatist aspirations?”
“Of course not. I just like seeing the tip of your nose go white
when you’re riled. And how do you come by that destination? Is there
a Catalonian flag on the honeypot?”
“I’m also Catholic. ‘God’s architect’ is
Antoni Gaudi. You’ll find him in Barcelona.”
“I knew that. I’m just teasing you. Toni is an old pal. I’m
aiming for nineteen-twenty-four. He was doing well, then. His magnum opus
was coming along nicely.”
“His magnum opus… the Sagrada Família, of course. One
day, I should make you take me there in the future, when its finished.”
“Good idea. Put it on your to-do list. Meanwhile, nineteen-twenty-four.”
The Sagrada Família was a long way from being finished in that
time. There was scaffolding all the way up the east side and only two
of the fabulous spires were even close to existing. Marie looked at it
with undisguised admiration, all the same. It was a unique building from
the moment it was conceived in the mind of a genius who stepped away from
all the established ideas of religious architecture. To be there while
the architect was still alive was one of the reasons she was glad to know
The Doctor.
“Doctor, watch out!” Marie was looking up at the cathedral
roof so she saw the chunk of masonry starting to fall. The Doctor stepped
back and the heavy stone split into several pieces out of harm’s
way. The Doctor looked at it accusingly.
“It wasn’t an accident,” Marie told him. “There
was somebody there on the roof. This was another go at us after the Palais
Garnier.”
The Doctor nodded. He had assumed the very same thing.
“Somebody has it in for us,” Marie added. “Is it to
stop us winning the quest, or have you annoyed somebody elsewhere?”
“They could be after you,” The Doctor suggested.
“Who would bother going all over time and space to try to do me
in? It has to be you.”
“Surprisingly few of MY enemies have time and space travel capabilities,”
The Doctor pointed out. “I wonder… The person on the roof
wasn’t dressed like a Mary Poppins from the dark side?”
“I only caught a glimpse. Why? Have you annoyed Mary Poppins?”
“Never mind. Just a thought. Anyway, we have two choices, here.
We can quit the game and go for fish and chips in Fishamble Street, or
we can carry on, with perhaps a bit more caution than usual.”
“We carry on, obviously, I’m not going to be scared off. Besides,
there ISN’T a fish and chip shop in Fishamble Street.”
“Is the right answer,” The Doctor said with a grin. “Come
on. This is Toni’s workshop, over here,” Marie laughed softly
in wonder. The Doctor was not only on first name terms with Gaudi, but
he was able to call him by a short form of his name. That was an idea
that sent a shiver of glee down her spine.
The workshop was a sprawling building with roof sections that could be
raised to accommodate large pieces of work in progress. The main floor
was a noisy place with men carving sections of marble pillars to the architect’s
specification or smoothing pieces of wood on a lathe. They passed through
that hive of industry to a slightly quieter room where a shabbily dressed
man was carefully suspending small, heavy bags from a wooden framework
at different heights. He paused to greet his visitors.
“Doctor!” he exclaimed with a smile. “Good to see you.”
“And you, Toni,” The Doctor answered. “This is my friend,
Marie, from Ireland, who is an admirer of your work. I have promised to
bring her to see the Sagrada when it is complete.”
“It is marvellous already,” Marie assured Gaudi. “Is
this… something to do with it?”
She pointed to the arrangement of weights. It looked like it might be
a model for a huge chandelier, perhaps.
“It is a force model to test the stresses of gravity on the west
elevation,” Gaudi explained. Marie was a little puzzled. “Look
at it upside down.”
She did so and realised that the strings and the weights made of little
bags of lead shot were actually a model of the Sagrada Família’s
as yet incomplete west side. The longer strings were the spires rising
up, not pendants hanging down.
“Gravitational forces can be measured either way up,” The
Doctor told her. Marie nodded in understanding and wondered how she had
forgotten about how Gaudi had designed graceful catenary arches in his
buildings by hanging pieces of string at two ends and measuring the curve
that was naturally created by gravity before building them the other way
around. This ‘force model’ was something similar but more
complex.
And the answer to the clue was here. She reached out and touched one of
the bags of shot, testing its weight, then she reached into her pocket
to find her own symbol of piety that she had been carrying ever since
she started travelling with The Doctor – a silver Saint Christopher
medal. It was a rather nice one, the size of an old sovereign coin, and
reassuringly heavy in her pocket, giving the protection of the Patron
Saint of Travellers to her fantastic journeys in the TARDIS. She very
carefully swapped one of the bags for the medal. As she hoped, it had
no effect on the gravitational stresses upon the force model.
“I’ll swap it back when we’re done,” she promised
the puzzled architect. “The Saint Christopher was one of my confirmation
presents, so I’ll definitely be coming back for it.”
“That’s quite all right,” Gaudi assured her. “The
Doctor has persuaded me to leave my work for a while and have lunch with
you both,” he added. Marie thought he needed it. Gaudi was well
paid for his work, but he wore shabby clothes and forgot to eat because
his mind was on loftier things than food or clothes.
It was a pleasant lunch. Marie kept Gaudi and The Doctor from getting
too technical about force models and gravity. Not that she wasn’t
interested, but she had a feeling they might both forget she was there
if they got too deep into it all.
They walked back to the workshop afterwards and parted cheerfully. At
the door to the TARDIS, though, Marie stopped and watched a tram pass
by. She looked slowly around the Barcelona street, busy with pedestrians
and both motorised and horse drawn traffic. She sighed and stepped inside
the TARDIS where the noise and bustle was cut off abruptly.
“Doctor,” she said. “You know the story of how he died,
don’t you? Three years from now, coming back from his daily prayers
and communion….”
“He went to Sant Felip Nero every day. On June seventh, nineteen-twenty-six
he was struck by a tram and fell in the street. Passers by took him for
a beggar and ignored him….”
“Even if he were ‘just’ a beggar, it is shameful that
people in a Catholic country should be so callous,” Marie said with
feeling. “Doctor… what if we were there….”
“It’s a fixed point in time,” The Doctor warned. “It
can’t be changed.”
“No, but... if somebody was there to comfort him, to call for an
ambulance instead of walking around him….”
“I heard that request once before,” The Doctor said. “Just
to comfort him… not to change anything....” He shook his head
sadly.
“Please….”
“If I say yes, if we do it… You don’t shout ‘Look
out, Toni’ or rush up and push him from the path of the tram or
perform an emergency field blood transfusion.”
“Of course not. I understand. Even getting him to hospital a few
hours sooner, even making sure people know he IS the great Antoni Gaudi,
Barcelona’s greatest son, not a nameless beggar, couldn’t
save him. I understand. But at least he’d have a bit of dignity
in those hours....”
The Doctor knew exactly how dangerous it was, but something in his own
hearts rebelled against the ignominious fate of a good man. He turned
to the console and set the co-ordinate.
It was a warm, spring day. Tragedy didn’t belong in such a pretty
scene. But it found its insidious way. The tram struck the daydreaming
genius and he fell, fatally injured. People walked on by, indifferent
to the suffering of a gentle man.
At least they did until Marie knelt by his side and screamed until they
stopped to see what was happening. When one well-dressed woman told her
not to make such a fuss about an old ‘tramp’ the citizens
of Barcelona within earshot learnt just how much fuss a distraught Dubliner
could make.
The ambulance came, at last. The unconscious man was put into it. The
ambulance drove away and the people of Barcelona carried on their everyday
lives.
Marie cried. The Doctor sat her down on a bench within sight of the Sagrada
Família and let her cry until the grief was over. When she was
down to silent sobs and heaving breaths he pointed to the scaffolded spires.
“He’ll never be dead to you as long as that building stands,”
he told her.
“And I suppose you know how long that is?” Marie remarked
between heaves.
“A long, long, long, long time after your time,” The Doctor
answered. “Come on, let’s carry on with the Quest. You went
to such a lot of trouble to get our clue.”
Marie nodded and looked at the little bag of lead shot that had been in
her pocket all along.
“Rome, next,” she whispered. “Any time between the Renaissance
and… I don’t know, the apocalyptic fall of Rome as allegedly
predicted by the Fatima prophecies... or possibly the film ‘2012’.”
“You are unsurprisingly good at this,” The Doctor told her
as they headed back to the TARDIS.
“You do alien worlds, I’ll do MY world,” Marie told
him. “’Test the truth near Valentine’s bones.’
That’s what’s printed in teeny, tiny letters on this little
bag. Valentine’s bones mean only one of two places. The ‘confirmed’
relics of St. Valentine are in Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin.
But his skull is in the Basilica di Santa Maria in Cosmedin… in
Rome.”
“You’re VERY good,” The Doctor told her. “Are
you sure you don’t have Wikipedia hidden under your jumper?”
“Catholic girl,” she reminded him. “Saints are compulsory.”
The TARDIS materialised in mid-nineteen-fifties Rome, in the Piazza della
Bocca della Veritá, between the Fontana del Tritone and the temples
of Vesta and Hercules. It was dusk on a summer day and traffic on the
wide main road was light.
“You got the clue, too, didn’t you,” Marie said as they
crossed the road to the basilica and turned down the cobbled alley on
its north side. “You thought ‘Roman Holiday’, too.”
“The TARDIS thought it, sentimental old girl. But, yes, I’ve
watched my fair share of old Earth black and white films.”
A courting couple moved from the very portico they were looking for and
a tramp shuffled away in the shadows. In the dim light from a street lamp
on the corner they studied the historical oddity they had been led to
by the cryptic clue.
“La Bocca della Verità,” The Doctor proclaimed. “The
Mouth of Truth. Possibly a first century detail from a fountain, more
likely a sewer cover.”
“Most likely,” Marie agreed. “Anyway, we’re obviously
supposed to stick a hand in the mouth. ‘Test the truth’.”
They both looked at the circle of stone with a crude face in the middle,
the mouth a letterbox shaped hole.
The legend was that anyone telling a lie while their hand was in the mouth
would have it bitten off.
Nobody with any credibility had ever shown a severed hand as evidence
that it worked.
The Doctor moved towards the stone.
“No,” Marie said, literally staying his hand. “I’m
doing it. I’m not having you do a Gregory Peck on me.”
“A ‘Gregory Peck’?”
“You know what I mean. Just stand there and do nothing.”
She really didn’t want to put her hand in there. Even if there was
no danger of losing her hand, there might be spiders, slugs, anything.
She took a deep breath and put her hand into the Mouth of Truth.
“Hey... there’s….”
Her words were drowned by a sharp noise that echoed around the narrow
street. She turned to see The Doctor with his arm outstretched. Very slowly
he opened his hand to reveal a bullet – an actual bullet.
“Somebody shot at you?” She looked at his hand. There was
a small burn from the hot lead. “You caught the bullet? Like Superman?”
“Not quite like Superman. I am a Time Lord. I slowed down time in
a small bubble around me. Unfortunately, that meant that time outside
the bubble rushed by in an eyeblink. I didn’t see who fired the
shot.”
“This is getting serious,” Marie observed.
“Yes, it is. You can take your hand out of the mouth, now.”
She had forgotten until he said so that she was still standing with her
hand inside the Bocca della Verità. She withdrew it now, along
with the object she had found.
“What is it?” she asked as The Doctor took it from her. “I
expected an envelope or something. This is… I don’t know.
It looks like a kids toy that melted in a house fire.”
“Ah!” The Doctor smiled widely. “For once, I’m
solving the clue. We’re off to Brussels, next. To find a King and
Queen.”
“Will the would-be assassin turn up there, too?”
The Doctor looked at the bullet in one hand and the clue to the next location
in the other and wasn’t quite sure about anything for a moment.
“What the heck,” Marie concluded. I’m sure you’ve
had assassins for breakfast before now. Let’s not let this one spoil
our fun.”
“Absolutely,” The Doctor replied. “Come on, Miss Reynolds.
We’ve got a quest to finish.”
As the echo of their footsteps died away followed shortly by a distant
sound from beside the Fontana del Tritone that was harder to identify,
a figure in a black cloak stood near the north portico and looked at the
Bocca Della Veritá for a long moment before vanishing into thin
air.